Monday, September 22, 2008

SICK YOUR DUCK


THERES NO SUCH THING AS  BAD BLOW JOB...

Yes I said it, it was a direct quote from a man I once knew. I believe it to be true. I do, period.


But I'm always up for debate.....


If your one of those guys that criticized me about my last piece because you were trippin about having a bad B.J. experience. I truely feel sorry for you, life must really be rough.  For such a good thing to be thought as BAD, it must of been a horific experience. OOOH  wait , hold that thought...I digress. It doesn't make any sense for me to feel sorry for you. Okay, you caught me, I was being sarcastic the whole time. 


Fair enough, if she or he... left teeth marks on your dick or you no longer can procreate then that may just fall into the bad head category. But you shouldn't have pulled the whole head push maneuver in the first place. You can't force a BJ if someone didn't want to go down on me, I'm not gonna make them!


If your going down and don't want to, the results WILL be lackluster if anything "results" at all!!!  If I'm really hurting for some play and you don't want to participate, I'm looking at the front door, feel free to leave, I don't  give a fuck (no pun intended);  

I'd rather "touch it twice" and get guaranteed results. I do it all the time anyway so, no harm, no foul.


Another bad blow job scenario could happen when you're literally fucking her face and choking a bitch out, and some teeth got in the way,then you deserve that shit!

And if you're having the opposite problem and she (I'm not using he because a gay man would never do this) is blowing on your dick like a dandelion, like she's trying to pollinate your bedroom with pre-jizz?!?!?  Yes, this DOES happens!! I was shocked too.

Then may I suggest not patrolling high schools for some poon, can anybody say statutory??  You don't need to trick a naive 15 year old girl into a bj, some women love to sing a little cock kareoke.

If NONE of the above applies to you and your still complaining about getting bad blow jobs. Then Ill leave you with this piece of wisdom-


Obviously your a whiney little bitch and you may NEVER be satisfied. Be happy that someone is willing and able it to put your cock in their mouth. ThURRR are NUF  guys that are heinously disfigured or anti-social freakshows that are  PRAYING to Allah, jesus, Jah or whoever is listening, to get their knob gobbed on.  Don't trip over a good thing. At least she found your dick, SON!


its a blow JOB! Its no coincidence that it is referred to as a JOB. Because its work! I always say, sucking dick aint free! You wind up paying for it in one way or another. So what kind of payment or beneficial arrangement did you secure for this work? Or did you? You can always find a chicken head to volunteer her services.  They are not hard to find, I see them every weekend and in the every mall parking lot. if your getting random bitches to lick your dick than you sure as hell shouldn't be complaining bout it. Like the old term your mom used to tell you, you get what you pay for. Who knew it would apply so well to oral sex? ! ;-)


P.S. The mystery guy who told me several times that there is NO such thing as a bad blow job was my ex boyfriend so......... take that as you will.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Chicks, dicks n tits


E’yday beautiful ladies and a pant load of average chicks are spending all this dough on self mutilation, the majority is visibly on fake tits. Soooo many of my girlfriends that don’t have 'em want 'em. (my girls with 'em, I'm not hating, do ur thang)

Honestly, what is the point of fake tits? To pick up guys? to look better in tops? Increase your sex appeal? PULEASE it’s not like it actually makes your sex life that much better. I don’t get why more guys aren’t enhancing their bodies. As far as I’m concerned for all the chicks with fake tits there should be guys with fake dicks. It rhymes for a reason, no such thing as a coincidence.

Seriously! More guys should get a penis enlargement. I know this procedure exists. C’mon admit it, you wish your dick was bigger! even if it’s your boyfriends. Even guys with big shlongs wouldn’t mind an extra inch. And trust me unless it hurts you could add a lil girth or lil length. (on a side note, I’m glad my dad isn’t reading this). Just ONE inch can make all the difference. There is nothing worse then meeting a guy who is nice, charming, good looking, funny, successful, opens the fucking door !!! All is going well,you’re HOT you’re WET and then.....

“WHAM-O”…..small fucking penis.
SAY WHAAAA?!?!? I’m not trying to be mean but, maybe that’s the reason why he is SOO nice,and so perfect. Its BECAUSE he has a small dick and usually guys with big dicks are just that ….BIG DICKS! Not to mention they’re usually fat sluts because,

“Shit girl, look at all this! You’re telling me you don’t like it, real fat and real long?? Bitch please”

And of course you do, cuz unless it hurts… That’s whats up! This is the true reason why girls like bad boys that treat them like dirt and the ladies come back for more. Mystery solved.

That’s the bone I have to pick on unnecessary augmentation. I’m sure you may be thinking
“I don’t need a bigger dick, these girls need a tighter pussy, she should get surgery to MAKE it tighter!”
Last time I checked there’s an exercise for that… there’s no exercise to make your dick bigger. (ooooh wouldn't that be nice). In a perfect world, every guy with a modest porn collection would be packing HEAT! Fuck, you would be encouraged to rub one out! Nice right? Well too bad, go get a Swedish penis enlarger.

P.S. Sadly, I don’t think they exist

Monday, August 18, 2008

Jack be nimble but not too quick

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Ain't no fun..when the homies cant have none






I wrote this little diddy a few years back for a "thatmagazine" that is no longer in publication. It was penned at 2 or 3 am, after I was ranting to my boys about sex. Laughter ensued and they suggested I should write this shit down! So I did just for fun and well, here it is enjoy....


SEX!! When is it ever not complicated?!?!? I mean, it is a basic human necessity. You gotsta have it, there is no way around it. Unless of course you are an A-sexual but, that's like 1% of the population. Who cares about people that have no libido anyway? UGH! I'm getting bored just thinking about it. I dont know what my life would be like if I wasn't insatiably horny. I probably would NOT have as much drama or problems ,thats for DAMN sure. But, the worst problem is when you are not getting it. And its completely consuming your every last thought. JESUS! Please help the poor shmucks that aren't getting any. Manual labor is not at all what its cracked up to be. I am sure most of you reading this can agree. There is no pill you can take as far as I'm concerned that can replace a hot sweaty body thrusting against you. Sorry folks, there is no convincing me of this otherwise. But, if you are out on the prowl , chances you are scaring off your prey as soon as you step in the room. As soon as you relax about it and stop looking, thats when people start coming out the woodworks, flirting with you trying to digits etc... Hopefully then your in the predicament where you have to choose who you are going to take home. Again, what to do.....what to do??? Could be a do or die situation. You DON'T want to be a huge skank, (well I don't! but im sure there are enuf guys that could care less) & have a guy/girl for every other night of the week. Monday guy #1 , Wednesday guy #2 and Saturday Random guy #3. Now that is how you get the clap or herpes or whatever STD that happens to be popular at that time. NOT to mention the possiblility of some guy that you are not particularily into falling in LOVE with you and then you have a mutha-fuckin stalker! SHIT! There are endless scenarios where you are just fulfilling your basic human needs, then shit hits the fan and you don't know what the fuck to do. Like I said, somehow, someway it always gets complicated. Unless you get lucky NOT LIKELY. So the moral of this story, kids, is have sex (if you can, preferably consentual ) make it count and wrap that shit up!

Jenetics