RAPE.0

I have ZERO problems with Rape jokes......... RAPE on the other hand; well that's a WHOLE other story!

I addressed this issue in my set last night. Which will be uploaded to YouTube. The fact that everyone and their dog are weighing in on what's inappropriate to make fun of annoys me. COMEDY IS SUPPOSED TO BE OFFENSIVE. There is and shouldn't be any rules in comedy. If your material doesn’t offend people, you’re not taking any risks. If you're not taking risks then I personally don't respect you as a comedian. There's a difference between condoning heinous acts and making a joke about "said acts". We're just trying to do our jobs. This is coming from someone that has been raped. With anything or anyone it's all about intention. Is the comic trying to hurt someone’s feelings? NO. Are they trying to make the crowd laugh? YES. Do I have rape jokes? Several. Is someone going to be shocked or offended? Let's hope so. People need to stop worrying about the content of comedians material and START worrying more about the people that are going around RAPING people(& getting away with it), law enforcement, criminal lawyers and the judicial system as a whole. Attacking a comedian such as Daniel Tosh is completely misguiding your energy . Stop fucking whining, do something productive, go volunteer at a women's shelter. Otherwise SHUT THE FUCK UP.

DON’T KILL THE MESSENGER

The white Stuff follow up

Let me just address this Ish right now.....

I had some anonymous dude hit me up about my last blog "The white stuff" with tears in his eyes, accusing me of "man bashing" and he didn't think it was funny. He also stated that I've probably been hurt before and that the best jokes are at the expense of the comedian.


The Blog "The white stuff" is about Jizz and the way it tastes. (I also included a picture of Taylor Swift with a milk mustache, the reasons are painstakingly clear.)

I'm assuming that it was a dude whining about my blog, even tho this particular "dude" is clearly Bitch-made. There's no women on this planet that gets her panties in a wad about males behaving badly and being put on blast about it.

So back to the sack-less hater....

1.Obviously your the type of dude that loves the taste of Jizz. You probably masturbate with your mouth open just so you can catch a hot shot in your mouth.

2. I don't make fun of men I make fun of douche-bags. (Men are great, I love all of them.
Douche-bags are selfish, camera in the mirror posing little pansies, who are overcompensating with bravado because their balls haven't dropped yet.)

3. I can't and don't generally do self deprecating humor because I'm good looking and it doesn't work or make sense. Plus making fun of people, like you that ride the short bus is so much more fun.

4. I'm glad my post offended you, that's the point.

5. Why don't you grow a pair and add a name to your anonymous comment, but first go change your tampon.


I'm Done

THE WHITE STUFF

Some jizz is like milk and some is like snot. Trini’s in fact literally call semen,wait for it....................... cock snot.

Either way many people can agree that no matter the consistency or viscosity it’s pretty disgusting stuff.

And if your one of those people that loves cum, (you should probably stop reading this) so much so, that you gargle before swallowing.

Then I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re probably one of the following:

· A freaky slutbag

· A rabid dog or

· Extremely hungry.

Either way you’re a weirdo and you probably like shitting on glass tables and rusty trombones…

What I’m saying is you probably wouldn’t mind the taste of someone else’s fecal matter caressing your mouth. Or the taste of shit, all up in your grill.

Here’s what I don’t get, a lot of men that I know claim to have NEVER tasted man mayo. As if it doesn’t even come out of there bodies. Come on now! You’re acting like semen is rare and it only grows off the coast of some far off land in a galaxy far far away.

Gimme a break! I can guarantee cross contamination has occurred, at least once before a man has reached the age of 16.

Listen tasting your own sperm doesn’t make you gay, tasting other guys sperm does!!

Just because you know what it tastes like only makes you a tinsy bit gay not “Liberace gay”

For those that don’t know what spunk tastes like I’d like to enlighten you

Here’s the chemical formula of baby gravy

Simple ball butter recipe:

1 part green banana

1 part baking soda

1 part salt

3 parts warm water

Some jizz is gamier than others but that’s the basic recipe

For guys that smoke add one part javex

For guys that eat junk food and red meat add another part salt

For East & West Indians, add one part curry

Now here’s the problem

If for whatever reason you are that guy that doesn’t kiss a girl after she sucks your dick for fear of cross contamination.(because you think its disgusting too)

YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO GET YOUR DICK SUCKED EVER!!!! If its so gross why would you expect someone to go down on you in the first place you douche-turd!

Listen, SHE’S NOT A HOOKER!!! SHE JUST DID YOU A FAVOR

At least give her a kiss of appreciation!!!

I don’t’ get how a guy scoffs at the idea of even trying just a drop of cum and expect a girl to take the whole load and swallow with a grin, like it’s a mother fucking delicacy. And act like this batch of baby gravy is the last thing they’re ever gonna taste.

It’s not crystal, you can’t really call it dick champagne. That’s false advertising.

But if it WAS, I’d be drunk right now!!!!! Beleiii dat!

Ok some people enjoy the taste and that’s cool, cocks can be fine I get it, you’re horny etc….

And maybe God made it taste bad for a very good reason, god hates chicken heads. Just kidding, God loves everyone its because it wasn’t meant to go in your mouth its meant to go in your vagina, so this horrible race of human beings can keep on multiplying.

Peace

You might be a Rapist if.....

(Before or during or after insertion)

• · They’re drunk and your NOT!
• · If you consider the drink vodka with a splash of Rohypnol
  THE ULTIMATE PANTY REMOVER
  

• · They’re sleeping WHILE you're trying to get it in
• You have picture albums of people you don't even know
  
• · She’s completely SILENT the whole time
• · If she says Ewwww more than once whenever you talk to her
  
• Everyone considers you the "nice" guy
• · If she laughs when you tell her you wanna eat her out
• If she's above a 7 and your below a 3
  
• ·IF YOU PHYSICALLY CHASE HER
• If you look like this guy or have a trucker hat tan or have worn trucker hats everyday for a week straight at some point in your life.!!!!
  
• · When you recall the “sex”, the term “force” gets thrown around
• · If they don’t remember in the morning
• · Tears of any variety!!!!!!
• · If you ever think, “ I can’t believe this is happening!!!”- they probably cant either
• · If you thought after she just broke up with her boyfriend – "now’s my chance!"
• · He/she says “NO”,
• “ I don’t like you like that”,
  
• “I’m saving that part for marriage”
• “I find you repulsive”,
  
• “but you’re my cousin”- anything along those lines…

• · If she calls you daddy, and YOU ARE IN FACT HER FATHER!
  
• · If you wear Ed hardy, cologne or otherwise
  
• · If you think no means yes
• · If your socks were on the whole time!!!!!!!
• · If you have a mustache
• · If you drive a VAN!!!!!!
  
• If you have a likeness to Scott Dysick or Christian Bale in American psycho

• You're the strong, silent type.........
  

• YOU JERK OFF MORE THAN 3 TIMES A DAY
  

BBM BALLS

I love text messaging or bbm’n or whatever means to communicate without hearing someone’s voice but rather reading their thoughts. Why? I like it because its impersonal, yeah that’s right I said it! I love it because you get strait to the point and you don’t pussyfoot around so to speak.
I also hate it for the same reasons, because what people text you (especially when they want something from you- like your penis or vagina) generally wouldn’t have the balls to say it out loud or to your face. People hide behind texts like smokers hide behind their cigarettes. How many times have you hung out with a friend or a lover and after you left, all of a sudden you get this text where they told you how they really feel.

What?!!?! Like you just spent 5 hours with me and you couldn’t say it to my face?

I’ve heard the phrase E-courage being tossed around, men lacking in the balls department use this medium of communication to see how far they can push their sexual advances to see if you’re game. Usually as a form of insurance they add as an “lol” or “jk” Or “ :p” as a scapegoat, just in case you get offended.

If she plays along you’re good, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to seal the deal. If she’s not game, you may look like a fool or just a run of the mill asshole. Or she might NEVER talk to your bbm balls again!! But you can always say:
“I was just kidding,”
“ it was a text you, didn’t get the tone”
Blah blah blah. Whatever, we’ve heard it all before.

Women don’t give a shit. The truth is if a woman likes you, you can have whatever you want, if you treat her well. It’s not hard to be a gentleman!
You know the old saying wine, dine, 69?
That shit is like 1st year chemistry and biology.
Why you trying to fuck with the formula?
You need to relax with those bbm balls!

It’s true, if your not completely scared of human interaction- and can have a conversation outside of bbm & sms. Then you can take this girl out for dinner and drinks and hopefully she’s down, you might have to try out the wine and dine a few times first just to make sure they’re is not a complete sociopath. Or just to make both parties revved up for the big event.

But regardless Boys will be boys…..

I’ve gotten random texts from guys that I’ve NEVER gone on a date with saying
905-I just _____in the shower, thinking of you

647-your facebook pics inspired me….(insert a photo of them grabbing their belt buckle)

416-I wanna kiss you….. but with my other lips ~What “other lips?” “My penis hole counts as lips”

514-I want to deep in you, i wish to kiss your lips, a want to make your passion be free... please **** me ! yes, yes, yes,yes, yes

416-I want 2 hold ur hand & when I say hand I mean____ & when I say hold I mean_____! LOL

604-Ah, I’ve gone through quite a few tissue boxes glancing over your photos ;) lol

Listen punk, if your sending me pictures of your abs it doesn’t do the same thing for a woman as it does for when a chick sends a sexy pic to a man….

Why parents shouldn't let video games babysit them

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc

DOUCHE-DAR

THERE IS AN EPIDEMIC WITH PERFECTLY HOT CHICKS WRAPPED UP WITH PERFECTLY DOUCHEY GUYS..... I WANT THIS TO STOP. SO HERE IS MY GUIDE TO SPOTTING A DOUCHE-BAG.

The Problemo is this ladies…. You don’t have your douchedar on…. You’ve got to hone in on your douchdar skills and stop making excuses for other people’s behavior.

If you have ever said or texted your Girlfriends this….

“ Oh he’s having a bad day cuz he spilled coffee on his fav Ed Hardy Tshirt, that’s why he didn’t call me”

“ Oh he cheated on me cuz his mom just died”

“Oh he forgot his wallet in his other pants, so I had to pay no biggy, we went to burger king”

“He was late because he had to get his eyebrows waxed”

“He takes HGH and for the longest time I thought it was a drink!!” (HGH= human growth hormone aka steroids)

“He fucked his friends sister because he heard she gave good head….from her brother!!!”

“He nick named himself T-bone.... you don't want to know why”

“He says bro and bra, all the time and they mean the same thing!”

"He still lives with his parents because he doesn't know how to cook or do laundry"

“He took so long to get ready because he couldn’t find shoes to match his bedazzled Christian Audiger long sleeve t-shirt”

“He calls me SHORTY”

“He called me Shannon, my name is Juanita, WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR 3 MONTHS!”

“He asked to borrow money so he could pay child support, I found out he spent it at a STRIP CLUB!”

“He wants to have a threesome with me and my MOM!”

“That’s his second DUI this month!!”

“He can’t hang out because he is too busy fixing his bong”

“His v-neck T-shirt showed more cleavage than mine!!!”

“ He smelled like perfume cuz he was with his sister” But I’ve never met his sister. Does he even have a sister??!!!”

LISTEN SISTER,,,, He’s a douchebag and I can smell it a mile away.

Those are some easy tell tale signs…….. STAY DOUCHE-LESS