Just Eat It

Over the past few years, I’ve heard a few guys tell me… “Black guys don’t eat pussy”  I thought that’s just what white and Asian guys tell girls to even out the playing field, if you know what I mean. Now this statement is an obvious HUGE generalization. Its like saying all black guys have big dicks. This is most certainly not true!!! 9 out of 10 black guys have decent sized cocks but, that 10^th one is sooo fucking puny it makes up for the rest of them. I’d kill myself if I were that guy who defies the stereotype in the worst possible way.

 So black guys don’t lick snatch?!?HUH? Now I’m an equal opportunity dater and I’ve dated many shades under the sun and never ran into this problem with any shade. And still haven’t to this day KNOCK ON WOOD! ;-p

And I say problem because it’s a PROBLEM.   Now fellas, realistically, if you meet a girl that told you “I DON’T SUCK COCK AND I NEVER WILL.....blah blah blah bullshit ” you’d think that she’s a stuck-up, high maintenance, bitch. TRUE? On a side note, I know two girls that allegedly don’t suck cock, and one is A COLD Hearted bitch and the other is a dumb slut, yep not all sluts suck cock, who knew?. And those are ACCURATE descriptions of them.

Moving right along.....

 Up until very recently I was having a conversation with a guy who strait up has NEVER gone down on a girl and this mutha fucka (although a nice gentlemanly guy) has two kids and was with one of his baby mamas for 7 years!! WHAT THE BLOODCLOT? As a woman you must really hate yourself to be with a guy for that long, who won’t even so much as KISS your vajay-jay. If you don't hate yourself why would you allow this to happen, he clearly doesn't love you. When I was trying to figure out why this particular guy refuses to eat pussy. I asked him a million questions and realized that he was kind of a FOB and was super old school, his family was from Nigeria and he might have even been born there. So you can guess his race and I’ll leave it at that.  He seemed to believe that going down on a girl was some new age shit… IM BEING COMPLETELY serious he said to me “ do you really think that people were going down on each other like, a thousand years ago?” That was a one sided debate… clearly. Its like “as long as people had tongues there were licking shit. FOOL. Like frozen poles and assholes”. It’s like asking me why dogs lick their balls… UMMM because they can??!?!? Sometimes the simplest answer is the correct one.

 I don't know what the fuck is sooo wrong about giving some face time with the one part of a woman that makes her a WOMAN.  Lets face it anyone can have tits. The punanny is sacred and should be treated as such!

 I wasn’t interested in dating this guy before I found this unGodly fact out but, I told him that I would NEVER sleep with him knowing this. I’d let him buy me dinner but, you know this girls gotta eat! But, at the end of the day how are you gonna take me to dinner, if you don’t eat out?

Now I don’t think this phenomena is a “black” thing it might have something to do with culture, but this is all speculation.

One of my girlfriends told me this guy she was feeling just told her he doesn’t eat pussy during a casual convo, and he was east Indian (and a hip-hop dj who shall remain nameless).  After that she was so turned off she stopped talking to him, completely. Good girl!

 One night I was chillin with the boys and this topic got brought up, again! My guys started clowning on this one guy, who happens to be Jamaican about the fact that he has NEVER eaten pussy before. Aaaaaaand, he was proud of it!! Now there was like 5 or 6 guys talking about it, 2 of which were Jamaican the others were from all over the globe. Now what puzzles me is that Jamaicans are known for being HUGE homophobes. It seems like you are not allowed to be a gay man in that culture. (Which is so backwards but, that’s a topic for another day.)

 

All I have to say is this…..

Gay Men Don’t eat pussy cuz they suck cock… So what’s your excuse?

CLIT TEASE

 

SICK YOUR DUCK

THERES NO SUCH THING AS  BAD BLOW JOB...

Yes I said it, it was a direct quote from a man I once knew. I believe it to be true. I do, period.

But I'm always up for debate.....

If your one of those guys that criticized me about my last piece because you were trippin about having a bad B.J. experience. I truely feel sorry for you, life must really be rough.  For such a good thing to be thought as BAD, it must of been a horific experience. OOOH  wait , hold that thought...I digress. It doesn't make any sense for me to feel sorry for you. Okay, you caught me, I was being sarcastic the whole time. 

Fair enough, if she or he... left teeth marks on your dick or you no longer can procreate then that may just fall into the bad head category. But you shouldn't have pulled the whole head push maneuver in the first place. You can't force a BJ if someone didn't want to go down on me, I'm not gonna make them!

If your going down and don't want to, the results WILL be lackluster if anything "results" at all!!!  If I'm really hurting for some play and you don't want to participate, I'm looking at the front door, feel free to leave, I don't  give a fuck (no pun intended);  

I'd rather "touch it twice" and get guaranteed results. I do it all the time anyway so, no harm, no foul.

Another bad blow job scenario could happen when you're literally fucking her face and choking a bitch out, and some teeth got in the way,then you deserve that shit!

And if you're having the opposite problem and she (I'm not using he because a gay man would never do this) is blowing on your dick like a dandelion, like she's trying to pollinate your bedroom with pre-jizz?!?!?  Yes, this DOES happens!! I was shocked too.

Then may I suggest not patrolling high schools for some poon, can anybody say statutory??  You don't need to trick a naive 15 year old girl into a bj, some women love to sing a little cock kareoke.

If NONE of the above applies to you and your still complaining about getting bad blow jobs. Then Ill leave you with this piece of wisdom-

Obviously your a whiney little bitch and you may NEVER be satisfied. Be happy that someone is willing and able it to put your cock in their mouth. ThURRR are NUF  guys that are heinously disfigured or anti-social freakshows that are  PRAYING to Allah, jesus, Jah or whoever is listening, to get their knob gobbed on.  Don't trip over a good thing. At least she found your dick, SON!

its a blow JOB! Its no coincidence that it is referred to as a JOB. Because its work! I always say, sucking dick aint free! You wind up paying for it in one way or another. So what kind of payment or beneficial arrangement did you secure for this work? Or did you? You can always find a chicken head to volunteer her services.  They are not hard to find, I see them every weekend and in the every mall parking lot. if your getting random bitches to lick your dick than you sure as hell shouldn't be complaining bout it. Like the old term your mom used to tell you, you get what you pay for. Who knew it would apply so well to oral sex? ! ;-)

P.S. The mystery guy who told me several times that there is NO such thing as a bad blow job was my ex boyfriend so......... take that as you will.

Chicks, dicks n tits

E’yday beautiful ladies and a pant load of average chicks are spending all this dough on self mutilation, the majority is visibly on fake tits. Soooo many of my girlfriends that don’t have 'em want 'em. (my girls with 'em, I'm not hating, do ur thang)

Honestly, what is the point of fake tits? To pick up guys? to look better in tops? Increase your sex appeal? PULEASE it’s not like it actually makes your sex life that much better. I don’t get why more guys aren’t enhancing their bodies. As far as I’m concerned for all the chicks with fake tits there should be guys with fake dicks. It rhymes for a reason, no such thing as a coincidence.

Seriously! More guys should get a penis enlargement. I know this procedure exists. C’mon admit it, you wish your dick was bigger! even if it’s your boyfriends. Even guys with big shlongs wouldn’t mind an extra inch. And trust me unless it hurts you could add a lil girth or lil length. (on a side note, I’m glad my dad isn’t reading this). Just ONE inch can make all the difference. There is nothing worse then meeting a guy who is nice, charming, good looking, funny, successful, opens the fucking door !!! All is going well,you’re HOT you’re WET and then.....

“WHAM-O”…..small fucking penis.
SAY WHAAAA?!?!? I’m not trying to be mean but, maybe that’s the reason why he is SOO nice,and so perfect. Its BECAUSE he has a small dick and usually guys with big dicks are just that ….BIG DICKS! Not to mention they’re usually fat sluts because,

“Shit girl, look at all this! You’re telling me you don’t like it, real fat and real long?? Bitch please”

And of course you do, cuz unless it hurts… That’s whats up! This is the true reason why girls like bad boys that treat them like dirt and the ladies come back for more. Mystery solved.

That’s the bone I have to pick on unnecessary augmentation. I’m sure you may be thinking
“I don’t need a bigger dick, these girls need a tighter pussy, she should get surgery to MAKE it tighter!”
Last time I checked there’s an exercise for that… there’s no exercise to make your dick bigger. (ooooh wouldn't that be nice). In a perfect world, every guy with a modest porn collection would be packing HEAT! Fuck, you would be encouraged to rub one out! Nice right? Well too bad, go get a Swedish penis enlarger.

P.S. Sadly, I don’t think they exist

Jack be nimble but not too quick

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Ain't no fun..when the homies cant have none

I wrote this little diddy a few years back for a "thatmagazine" that is no longer in publication. It was penned at 2 or 3 am, after I was ranting to my boys about sex. Laughter ensued and they suggested I should write this shit down! So I did just for fun and well, here it is enjoy....


SEX!! When is it ever not complicated?!?!? I mean, it is a basic human necessity. You gotsta have it, there is no way around it. Unless of course you are an A-sexual but, that's like 1% of the population. Who cares about people that have no libido anyway? UGH! I'm getting bored just thinking about it. I dont know what my life would be like if I wasn't insatiably horny. I probably would NOT have as much drama or problems ,thats for DAMN sure. But, the worst problem is when you are not getting it. And its completely consuming your every last thought. JESUS! Please help the poor shmucks that aren't getting any. Manual labor is not at all what its cracked up to be. I am sure most of you reading this can agree. There is no pill you can take as far as I'm concerned that can replace a hot sweaty body thrusting against you. Sorry folks, there is no convincing me of this otherwise. But, if you are out on the prowl , chances you are scaring off your prey as soon as you step in the room. As soon as you relax about it and stop looking, thats when people start coming out the woodworks, flirting with you trying to digits etc... Hopefully then your in the predicament where you have to choose who you are going to take home. Again, what to do.....what to do??? Could be a do or die situation. You DON'T want to be a huge skank, (well I don't! but im sure there are enuf guys that could care less) & have a guy/girl for every other night of the week. Monday guy #1 , Wednesday guy #2 and Saturday Random guy #3. Now that is how you get the clap or herpes or whatever STD that happens to be popular at that time. NOT to mention the possiblility of some guy that you are not particularily into falling in LOVE with you and then you have a mutha-fuckin stalker! SHIT! There are endless scenarios where you are just fulfilling your basic human needs, then shit hits the fan and you don't know what the fuck to do. Like I said, somehow, someway it always gets complicated. Unless you get lucky NOT LIKELY. So the moral of this story, kids, is have sex (if you can, preferably consentual ) make it count and wrap that shit up!

Jenetics